yang biasa

pagi. aku baru balik dari jogging pagi tadi. ringkas mukadimah aku, kan?

pernah terfikir tak kenapa sesuatu terjadi? contohnya, pagi ni kau keluar jogging. tapi tak sampai 10 minit, kau rasa sakit perut. terpaksa lah kau berhenti jog, spend masa seploh doploh minit dalam tandas pastu sambung jog balik. tapi serious ah of course lah semangat nak jog tu dah kurang. tambah-tambah pulak rasa memulas tu still ada. so, kalau kau kat tempat aku, apakah kau akan cuba untuk flashback ke malam semalam, ingat balik apa yang kau makan, ATAU, kau terus conclude, 'ah, biasalah sakit perut pagi pagi.'

member sejogging dengan rasa prihatinnya menyoal aku, kot-kot aku ada makan benda pedas malam semalam. oh, ya. aku ada makan nasi air (sejenis bubur berlauk). yang ada sambal ikan bilis di dalamnya, yang sangat pedas. tapi disebabkan aku terlalu lapar (lab habis pukul 7 bro), aku bantai je sampai licin mangkuk. oh, aku ada makan roti canai kosong jugak after main futsal malam tu. so, does any of this have something to do dengan sakit perut pagi ni?

yes, and/or no.

fatien amirah kalau dah loser memang loser lah tak boleh nak buat apa. kalaulah ada orang nak invent meter penyukat tahap keloseran seseorang, aku dah kena kaw-kaw dah agaknya. kenapa aku tak pernah nak relate sesuatu yang terjadi dengan sejarah? kenapa aku tak pernah terfikir aku sakit perut pagi-pagi sebab salah makan? kenapa aku tak pernah nak terfikir kaji sebab musabab sesuatu perkara?

aku tak terfikir makanan pedas penyebab aku sakit perut pagi-pagi sebab aku suka makan pedas. dan , aku tak rasa makanan pedas akan bagi aku mudarat pun. sebab aku suka pedas. aku suka makan makanan pedas. setiap hari ada makanan pedas. biasa. kebiasaan. kalau pegi mekdonal pun kau makan cili sos jugak kan? of course lah, orang yang tak makan pedas akan jadi a bit peculiar dengan benda pedas. tapi, aku ni, aku ni. sekarang aku cerita pasal aku.

kadang-kadang, mestilah kau fikir. ah, tak elok lah makan makanan pedas. tak elok untuk perut, tak elok untuk kesihatan. tak elok untuk rambut jugak, orang kata nanti cepat botak. entah lah sebab aku pun tak botak lagi kan. tapi, kadang-kadang jugak, mestilah kau fikir. ah, apa ada hal sakit perut sikit. pedas itu nikmat. weh, takde life lah tak rasa makanan pedas. buang 'Melayu' dari I/C kau kalau kau tak makan pedas langsung. serius ni, serius.

sebenarnya aku dah takde idea cemana nak sambung analogi cerita pedas aku ni. ok la, senang cerita macam ni la. aku sakit perut pagi ni. pada aku, sakit perut tu benda biasa. sampailah member aku buat konklusi dan buat aku terfikir yang sebenarnya makanan pedas yang aku makan malam tadi yang jadi penyebab aku sakit perut pagi ni. so selama ni aku telah bersikap acuh tak acuh dengan kesihatan perut sendiri. makan sedap kat tekak tapi perut yang terima kesan. eh kejap, bukan acuh tak acuh. cuma, macam tak ambil kisah. bukan tak ambil kisah macam tak peduli langsung tu. more to like, tak aware. okay that's it. TAK AWARE.

aku rasa tak best lah menganalogikan cerita sakit perut sebab makan makanan pedas dengan situasi sebenar aku. tak dapat feel tu. gentle cakap la, aku faktap jugak sekarang sebenarnya. fatien hati kering. segala taik life bagi kat aku, aku telan je. memang la aku telan. kadang-kadang tahap kering hati aku ni sampai aku fikir, 'aa kejap je ni. takde hal pun. nanti aku ok la', not being able to realize how shitty the situation is. 'till that one time, im going to break down. realizing how hard the situation had hit me. i'll end up blaming myself. seriously. masalah bila jadi heartless berkala ni macam ni laa. kau telan je semua benda pada satu masa yang sama. ambik masa jugak ah nak rasa kecelakaannya. benda macam ni pun boleh loading punya lama kan? haa, ini lah cerita aku. cerita kau, aku taknak tau.

nah, bukti aku jog pagi tadi.

kbai.

Mistake.

So let's say you make a mistake.

And that mistake -- you don't realize that it is a mistake till you knew it yourself that it is a mistake. And that mistake, too, bump you out real deep that you find it hard to forgive yourself. Has it happened to you that you cannot get yourself up after making a mistake? That you cannot accept the fact that you had done something terrible to yourself?

And that mistake you made, push you down very deep to the earth core. And it makes you feel like there's no way up -- that there's no way possible to get everything back to normal, again.

And that mistake has turned you to be someone so dark, someone so far away from positivity, someone bad. A bad person.

And, if those mistakes make you a 'bad person' or make you look like you are a 'bad person' or at least, make you feel like you are a 'bad person', do you not want to change -- to be a 'good person'?

To have yourself labeled as a 'bad person' isn't a good thing. Of course, we do not ask to be labeled as a good person, either. Because when we talk about 'bad person' and 'good person', we do not only talk about actions. We talk about some sorta inner being of who we, as a person, are.

Like for myself, when I was very depressed, and I have this friend who I find as very purposeful -- in her good actions and in her good  behavior -- I thought she is a really good person. At her core, she is a good person. At my core, I am a bad person. And I will never be a good person so I'm just going to be bad. I finally found the guts to search for the elements that made me as a 'bad person' because I realize it was a very dangerous way to think about people or even myself. This is because not only you are completely disvaluing what these people are doing to be good, you are setting yourself up for never being able to improve.

And it's very self-destructive.

But, on the other hand, though, let's say that I do not regret doing mistakes, at all. That I am proud for the mistakes I did. And go proudly say, "I have no regrets. All the mistakes I had done make who I am today."

We can say whatever we want, but we know ourselves best. Do we, really, not feel guilty for the mistakes we did? Or at least, to feel the wanting to have ourselves improved or changed for the better?

Naturally, people are selfish, and they suck, too. Nah I am not saying that they can't do good. Because they can. But that's not in our nature. And why is that? Is it because it's just easier -- to do the wrong thing? -- because it is just more self-serving? Is it just more gratifying in a short term to do what is wrong and to do what is right?

Anyway, I don't know how to elaborate further on this whole being a bad person and a good person idea, but I guess I feel it is just worth pointing it out because I don't think that most people think about what they are implying when they refer to people as 'bad people' and 'good people'. I think it's a good idea to realize that, you know, most people just tend to suck. It is just easier to suck. And you can choose to not suck. When you feel like you're a bad person and you'll never be good, like... ugh. You know what. You have so much potentials to be a positive influence to the lives around you so do not get yourself to be labeled as a bad person.

For me, those people who always say 'I have no regrets. Those mistakes I did make who I am today' phrase are very defensive. For me, they live in the past. They choose to live in the past. They do not want to improve themselves. Heck. We do not want to be ignorant. We do not want to be arrogant.

You have to set yourself to be able to realize something is a mistake. But then you go say, 'Yes, it is a mistake. We know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake, but you don't really know it's a mistake, because the only way to really know that it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back and say, "Yep, that was a mistake."' 

So you suppose, 'Really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then, you would go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not.'

But we do not have forever, DO WE?

We know something is a mistake. It leads us to wrongful consequences. Be grateful that you have it -- the sense to realize that something is a mistake. Because somebody else may does not. Regret. Only by regretting we can meet improvements. You would be ashamed of yourself because regrets teach us lesson to not repeat the mistake. When somebody happens to ask you about your past -- about your mistakes, answer them "I'm grateful for the mistakes I had done. Because somehow, it is one of God's ways to teach me about something. But if it happens to me that I get to face the same situation, I will pray so that in each and every way the situations meet the similarities, I could do better than before." - KF.

So, think. We do not live in the same stage, same phase everyday. We age. Those in the graves are wanting to be given life to change and correct the mistakes they had done in their lives. So how about you?

Change, before it's too already late. There are always rooms for improvements.

In the end of the day, you are what you do. And actions speak louder than words. You are not what you have done, or what you will do, or what you intend to be doing. You are what you are doing.

(:
Cheers for betterment!

Hey.

I did not have a real intention of creating a new post. So I created this post so that this post will be the newest post so that you would not directly read the older post. 

Because it's over now. 

Okay thanks bye.